assignments-reflective paper

Unit One Assessment--Analytic Writing: TOTAL possible qualitiy points -- 25

A Real-World Task --This is a narrative paper which will synthesize your personal and professional understanding of the burdens and benefits of using theory to understand adolescent learners and the challenges they face when trying to learn and think in more sophisticated ways about their worlds. The following "quality standards" will be used to assess your understanding expressed through analytic writing:

You will develop a brief "case study" out of your own adolescent experience. Remember a time in your middle or high school years when you were really "out of it" due to some "peak or valley" problem, challenge, or event--it got in the way of your learning effectively in a classroom--or at school in general. Below are some specifics to take into consideration as you try to "tell your story." These are intended just to get you thinking about your own experience in a deeper and richer dimension. You don't have to use all of these, but several will help you make richer meaning of your experience.

1. Details of Personal Recollection-- 5 points

2. Describing the Context, or "Setting the Scene" -- 5 points

3. Analysis of the Incident -- 5 points

You are to use at least three of the six theories from Ed Psych that you have been examining through Jigsaw Teaching Groups, to explain the natural "adolescent development" responses you were having in this situation? What was inteferring with your learning and how did it look to others? Here is where you try to move away from the "Inside" of your experience, to seeing what a professional teacher might be observing from the "Outside."

4. Anticipating a Future Response -- 5 points

Here you try to suggest what would be an effective or important response of a professional teacher to your situation, in such a way that effective learning could still be encouraged.

5. Attention to Professional Writing Conventions or Characteristics -- 5 points

Here you use all of the technological tools available to you to check the mechanics of your own writing--Spell and Grammar Check, formating, etc. to ensure optimal readability for your audience. It would also be helpful to have proofreader(s) assist you in ensuring that you have met written to all of the quality "criteria."

RUBRICS FOR QUALITY ANALYSIS -- Effective Communicator through Writing

1. The writer selects a "critical incident" that has emotional power and the uncertainty of a dilemma.

Feedback:

2. The writer describes the context in which this "incident" occurred.

Feedback:

3. The writer uses at least three of the six theoretical perspectives to interpret this situation with the "eye" of a professional teacher.

Feedback:

4. The writer speculates on possible effective teacher decisions which will encourage learning in spite of the dilemma.

Feedback:

5. The writer's final paper reflects appropriate attention to grammar, spelling, capitalization, and punctuation.

models of the Unit 1 Assessment

Example #1: This paper was a sophisticated analysis--using theories to give meaning to a live event.

1. The writer engaged the reader in a narrative that explained a family event in great detail and how that influence the school learning experiences of the adolescent. 5 points +1

2. The writer provides a thorough and sequenced explanation of events that impacted the family and the school interactions. 5 points +1

3. The writer utilized four theoretical perspectives to carefully explain what was naturally happening for this adolescent. 5 points +1

4. A teacher behaviors in the past were used as a learning point for what "not" to do. A clear commitment to future behaviors that will encourage positive relationships was described. 5 points

5. There were several errors in "mechanics." 5 points -1

The paper received 27/25 points, exceeding quality standards.

Middle school years are difficult enough when conditions are stable, but they are even more challenging when there is some kind of family trauma or disruption. I grew up in a very supportive and loving family, but I remember a time between my seventh and eighth grade year when these ties were challenged. My father's business partner left the country owing the government 4 (write out #) million dollars in back taxes. Before he disappeared, he called the police and reported that my father had embezzled about $3,500.00 from the company's general account. My dad was questioned and got out the books only to find that there was a $3,500.00 error he could not explain. When my father tried to call his partner to ask why he hadn't pointed out the error to him directly, he could not be located. A warrant was issued, and my father was arrested and taken in for questioning. I remember being sent to my room with my sisters so we could not see or hear what was going on, but I sat on the stairs and listened anyway, certain that life would be different from this point on. I was scared. I'd heard my mother cry before, but I could tell this was different. A close family friend was talking to her, asking questions, saying they should get a good attorney.

My family belonged to the Baptist church in our small town. We were there all the time, at every service Sundays and Wednesday. It was around this church that our social life thrived. I believed the friendships were solid as rock. I went to the Christian school with my church friends and loved the small, close-knit environment. My world was shaken, not so much by the front-page article about my father's business, but by the reaction of the Christian community upon which I depended. I believed my father was innocent without question, but many people speculated about his character and the possibility that there was truth to the allegations. Some of the comments I overheard,(;) some of it was teasing, some of it was just plain hurtful.

During the proceedings that followed my father lost his business. Not only were our true friends being revealed, (but also) our standard of living drastically changed. I also changed from an easy(-)going adolescent and good student to one who learned to push back. I became defensive of my father and felt it was my job to defend our family's honor. I got into arguments with the kids at school and though I was a small person would fight with little provocation. I became a behavior problem in the classroom and spent many Saturdays in detention for disrespecting my teachers or disrupting class. I was beginning to see humanity revealed in all of its hypocritical complexity. I felt angry, isolated, and very confused about issues intrinsic to me, my faith. My line of defense was to act like I didn't care, and my grades suffered as a result.

When the small little article clearing my father's name and reputation was eventually printed on page 12 of the Region section in the Grand Rapids Press, apparently many people were too busy to read that far. The comments and gossip persisted. The following year I transferred to Rockford High School due to financial issues, but also because I wanted a larger more anonymous environment and a fresh start.

As I reflect upon this painful passage and lay this experience alongside the principles and theories I've been learning and reviewing, it is apparent that some of the deficiency needs Maslow believes are essential to experience the higher growth needs were not being met. I did not feel like I belonged. Though I never doubted the love of my parents, the important relationships at church and with peers had deteriorated. Things at home were stressful, and I thought my parents were going to split up. I did not feel safe, because of the drastic change in our lifestyle, and wondered what the outcome would be. I worried about it constantly.

This experience occurred during the turbulent years Erikson describes as Identity vs. Role Confusion. I had previously cruised through the previous stages and was used to experiencing success with my academics and in relationships with my peers. I had learned to trust, gained autonomy, learned initiative, and had become known as an industrious student who worked hard. I was intrinsically motivated at this time and excelled in my study of piano. This bump in the road threw all of my past assumptions of who I was and my self esteem into question. An already volatile time suddenly became even more complicated. I wasn't sure of anything, and had no idea of who I was, how I would fit in, or how it would all shake out.

The teaching in this small Christian school was extremely traditional. We sat in rows in every class and did not interact with our peers to accomplish our learning. Nor did we problem solve together. There was no modeling, only the "lecture." We did not interact with people of other cultures, only the white missionaries who came and told us of people in other places when they were on furlough. I can't really think of any Vygotsky theory applying to my academic career at this point. Everybody was supposed to think alike and be alike.

The entire nature of the teaching was authoritarian. The Baptist presentation of scripture is extremely literal, and to question this meant we would be compared to backsliders and those disbelieving people who would not be separated from God in spiritual darkness, but who would burn in a physical hell eternally. There was no room for metaphor or spiritual, symbolic interpretation. People were either conservative or liberal. There wasn't any foundation for exploration so as far as Identity Development; I was in a state of foreclosure. It wasn't until my late twenties that I realized I could examine everything, move through moratorium, and arrive at identity achievement without relinquishing my faith in Christ. I do find that I'm re-evaluating many issues and this process of evaluation is not stagnate, but open to change as I and the world around me change. This sounds reminiscent of Piaget's equilibrium to disequilirium to equilibrium process.

My teachers did not pull me aside and say, "Hey what's this behavior change about?" Nor did they draw correlative conclusions about my grades. I remember them grading my papers, doling out discipline when I needed it, but I don't remember them talking to me. Never did they run interference for me with my peers. I don't know if I became pegged as a troubled kid from a troubled home or not. Not one teacher made a personal investment in me as a student during my middle school years. As I recall my education during this time, it felt like an assembly line approach versus a holistic approach.

While I don't bear any resentment towards these teachers, I do believe they were in a good position to have made a difference. As a teacher I would like believe that I will take an active interest in each student as a person as idealistic as this sounds. I would also like to think that if I had been my teacher at this time I would have made time to talk after class, make eye contact, and ask, "Are you OK? What's going on?"

I think in a situation like this it could be helpful to bring in some peers to come around side, build up, and support another student who is having a rough time. Knowing that the kids I would call on to help are also having identity issues, I think talking and explaining how certain behavior affects themselves and those around them could be a good learning experience. I expect to be in a public school setting, but in a Christian school setting I think it is not only relevant to explain how gossip and slander is harmful to the recipient(,) but also to the name and call of Christianity. Kids are kids despite the(ir) background with the same issues of insecurity and doubt, but this was an instance in my life where I would have welcomed any one of my teachers running interference for me. Even when confronting and naming the problem head on is difficult, a concrete situation to re-emphasize crucial values can be effective and open lines of communication and dialogue.

The only way I believe this is possible is to make a conscious effort to get to know a little something about the student's (students') personal lives. Simply talking to them, listening, showing I care by taking notice of changes in their performance on any given day are vital means to make genuine connections with students. I realize I will not be able to control what goes on outside the class, but a safe and healthy classroom environment is something I will insist on. I hope I will be a teacher who will trust my instinct, intuition, and ask God for wisdom to guide me through uncharted, emotional situations that will make a difference in the lives of my students as well as their academics.

Example #2: This paper was a strong analytic paper, telling the "story" clearly.

1. The writer chose an approach that carefully and logically developed the personal "situation" that interfered with the learner's ability to focus on the academic expectations of school. 5 points

2. The writer makes clear the context of why the events had such an impact. 5 points

3. There was a general attempt to utilize theoretical perspectives to explain what was naturally happening for this adolescent. The theories were used in a general way. Maslow was primarily named...not used for analysis. 5 points -1

4. A teacher perspective was generally referenced with a hope for future ("help those in need") but the specific how and why was not examined. 5 points -1

5. There were no errors in "mechanics." 5 points

The paper received 23/25 points.

I can still remember that night during my sophomore year clearly. I had been practicing my cheers for weeks, and tonight the cheerleading tryouts would take place. I was very eager to be a part of the team, sure that wearing the red and white hair ribbons would lead to instant popularity. That night I nervously performed cheers, dances, and cartwheels, hoping to impress the four judges. There were over forty girls trying out, and only thirteen would be chosen. We waited outside the gym as the judges deliberated, and after what seemed like an eternity, the cheerleading coach approached us to announce the lucky few. I listened intently for my name, but as she read down the list, my hope dwindled. I had not made the team, and I walked out of the high school feeling embarrassed and rejected. Even worse than not making the team was having everyone else know that I had not made the team.

As I walked home that night, I knew that I had made a terrible mistake. I had previously been in forensics and theatre, but had stopped going to practices for a while in order to practice cheering. My rude and demanding theatre coach did not take kindly to cheerleaders, and he told me that I would have to choose one activity or the other. Given the ultimatum, I chose cheerleading, and now I regretted my decision.

The next day at school the prevailing question seemed to be, "How did tryouts go? Did you make the team?" By the beginning of first hour I already wanted to go home. That day, and the next several days, I really did not listen in class. I remember being in a daze throughout each period, and only doing the bare minimum in terms of participation, homework, and studying while I dealt with my disappointment and confusion. Of course, I really did not learn much in class that week because my mind was far away, on other things, such as my reputation. I felt that I had no chance of ever being as "cool" as I wanted to be. I wanted badly to belong to something and to "fit in," and now I was not in theatre or cheerleading.

Most of my teachers did not really notice my change in attitude, or at least they did not speak to me about it. Many, I think, were simply too distracted themselves to notice I was having trouble. One teacher joked around with me and tried to cheer me up, asking me "Tough week?" However, he really did not push for more. Another teacher actually asked me why I was not being my usual self. I told her I was just having some problems, and she told me that if I needed someone to talk to she was more than willing to listen. I was happy to know that these teachers noticed my sadness, and that they cared.

In hindsight, I can now see that I was going through normal adolescent development at this stage in my life. I was struggling to find an identity. According to Piaget, at around age twelve, adolescents have the ability to think about hypothetical situations and abstract concepts. Because of my cognitive growth, I no longer simply thought about what I would do after school, but I began to think about who I was as a person. This began my search to find my identity. James Marcia would say I was in the "moratorium" stage of identity development, experimenting with different roles and searching for a place to fit in. Similarly, Erik Erikson states that adolescents are in a stage of life titled "Identity versus Role Confusion." During this stage, the individual searches to find out exactly who he or she is, again, by experimenting with different roles. If he or she does not develop his or her own personal identity, this can lead to role confusion. I wanted badly to be a "popular, preppy" girl, and cheerleading would have helped me to develop an identity as just that. Other periods of time in high school I dressed and behaved like a "hippy" and also a "rebel," trying to find a role that fit me. Maslow would say that my physiological needs, safety needs, love needs, and esteem needs had been met, and that I was then attempting to grow further. I was (and still am) striving towards self-actualization, or finding out and understanding who I am, what my talents are, and what my potential is. By the end of high school, after much experimentation, I finally came to terms with who I was and where I belonged in the social world, though I am definitely still changing and growing.

As a teacher, I understand that adolescents are going through a difficult time. They are searching to define themselves socially and emotionally, while also attempting to succeed academically. I know that each of my students might sometimes have a "distracted" day or week due to a "peak" or "valley' event, when they are not focused on classroom activities. My role as a teacher is to help those students in need, and to try to regain their attention. I believe that as a teacher, I need to be keenly aware and concerned about my student's attitudes, and I need to question them and be available to them if they need guidance or someone to listen. If a student is going through a very difficult situation, I will try to be very accommodating in terms of homework, tests, etc. I hope that by showing my concern, my students will, even on a distracted day, respect me and try their best to listen and focus in class. I know that I had much appreciation for those teachers who noticed my struggle after cheerleading tryouts, and made a little more effort in their classes...simply because they cared.

Example #3: This paper represents an effort that exceeded the quality factors for the Unit One Assessment.

1. The narrative of a personal incident is engagingly and articulately described, using vocabulary that recreates the dilemma and its depth of influence on the individual adolescent in a way that engages the imagination. 5 points +1

2. The context is well presented/described. 5 points +1

3. Five of the six theoretical perspectives were carefully examined. 5 points +1

4. A teacher perspective was detailed in a possible future response and reasons were supported. Both the "real" teacher and the possible future teacher responses were carefully described. 5 points +1

5. There were no errors in "mechanics." 5 points +1

The paper received 30/25 points, exceeding quality standards.

In November of my senior year in high school I was captain of the tennis team, involved in theater, vice-president of National Honor Society, in the top ten in my class, and had been accepted to five colleges. I thought everything was going perfectly. Then on November 10, 1997, my 17th birthday, I began feeling... different. I began getting these cramps in my abdomen that would cause so much pain that I would start shaking and could barely stand up. I always had this feeling of unreality, and my head started to feel like it was floating around in the air. My eyes literally felt like they were clouded over and that I was viewing the world from a completely different perspective. These symptoms persisted for about a month. I honestly thought I was dying. I had told people that I never felt good, but I don't think anyone understood the way I was really feeling. I didn't see a doctor earlier because I was so afraid that he would tell me that I really was dying, that I had cancer. I could not bear to put my mom through that again considering eleven years earlier my father died of brain cancer. I would cry every night as I went to sleep, and finally I told my mom that I wanted to go see a doctor. I told the doctor what had been going on. Expecting to hear him say, "I want you to go in for some tests," or something similar, he instead diagnosed me with clinical depression, anxiety disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

By putting too much pressure on myself to succeed, along with haunting memories from my childhood of my father's illness and the effects of it, I had made myself physically and mentally sick. By the time I went to the doctor, I was barely doing anything with my friends. All of my time was spent at home doing homework where I knew I was safe and I had someone to take care of me. I had lost about 20 pounds because my stomach hurt so badly I couldn't bear to eat much of anything. I still managed to keep my grades at a decent level, but I was slipping somewhat and I was not retaining any information. Most of my time spent in class consisted of staring out the window and thinking. I simply didn't care about anything because I thought I would be dead in a matter of months or weeks or even days at some points.

After being diagnosed, the doctor prescribed an anti-depressant. I went on Christmas vacation and relaxed for two weeks. When I came back to school, I had begun to feel better. The pains in my stomach had subsided, I had started eating, I began seeing my friends again, and my head actually felt like it was attached to my shoulders. However, I knew I would be faced with the humiliation, or what I though would be humiliation at the time, of telling my teachers. I knew I had to tell them in case they noticed any behavior changes or changes in my grades. I had to let them know that there actually was a reason for everything.

Until that point, I had everyone fooled. They all thought I was this all-around good kid who got really good grades, and had her life together. I felt like such a failure. Not only did everyone else in the school expect me to succeed, I had also fooled myself into believing that everything was just fine. I couldn't even deal with the stresses of school that billions of kids across the globe deal with everyday. I couldn't do it without the help of an anti-depressant. I hated thinking about all of these teachers, who thought so highly of me for being a good student and a good person, knowing that I had failed in my life. I began looking at other people with envy for being able to deal with the pressures of school.

When I told them, five out of the six responded with the generic response of, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, [Dear]. Thanks for telling me." I felt like they had already begun to look down upon me. Then I went into my English teacher's room. Her name was Mrs. Holley and I was in AP English with her. I sat down and told her what had been going on. I really had not been paying much attention in class before Christmas break because I was focusing on other things, and I had not read a 600-page book over Christmas break that we were assigned to read. She responded by saying, "It took a lot of courage to come to me like this. Things like this that happen in our lives just allow us to grow because now you know how you DON'T want your life to be. This is probably one of the biggest first hand experiences of your youth, I would never dream of penalizing you for going through something like this, considering how much I know you are learning about yourself and life in general." I actually walked out of that classroom being proud to say that I was taking Zoloft for my psychological/mental illnesses.

According to the theories studied in class, the responses I had to the situation I was in were all clearly acceptable for this particular time in my life. In the theory of Identity Development, by James Marcia, I would say that I was in the identity diffusion status. During this situation I was very much like a child. I needed support from my mother in order to feel safe. I was more concerned with my comfort level at the time than exploring or committing to any adult roles. I was very withdrawn and isolated, and I had very low self-esteem. Before my little "crisis" I would have sworn, as would most of the people I knew, that I was in identity achievement. I really thought I knew what I wanted, I thought I knew where I was going with my life, but after going through this I realize that I had no idea what my life was about. Identity diffusion was a frustrating, painful stage to go through, but it allowed me to see who I really was, what I really cared about instead of what I thought I cared about.

In Piaget's Cognitive Development theory, I was obviously in the formal operational stage. I was completely concerned with myself. I was searching for my identity. Even though I was 17 when this happened to me, I am sure that I was in the concrete operational stage before this situation. I could deal with concrete problem solving and with rational thinking, but I had not started thinking about my place in this world until I began fearing the loss of my life. Life really does look a lot different when you look at it through the eyes of someone who is dying, or at least thinks she is dying.

In Erikson's Eight Stages of Development, I would place myself in three stages. I was in stage 4, Industry vs. Inferiority because I really did not feel at some points that I was worthy to be around the people who could deal with everything I couldn't. When the doctor first diagnosed me, I felt really timid and cowardly when faced with my peers and adults. I was also in stage 5, Identity vs. Role Confusion. I had no idea what was going on in my life, I had nothing to look forward to, all I wanted was to be comfortable and secure. I had so many different feelings during this time, but none of them felt like anything I had ever known before. I was also in stage 6, Intimacy vs. Isolation. I really was an outcast for two to three months my senior year. I didn't know who cared about me, and honestly I didn't really care. I felt like a hermit, and anytime I had to go outside, into the "real world," was a chore and utterly frightening. I isolated myself so that I wouldn't have to deal with people and so that I didn't have to let them in on my secrets. Honestly, I was roaming around these three stages during this time of tribulation, which is another indicator of the torment and fluctuations of my mind.

In Vygotsky's Social Nature of Learning, I was isolating myself from the group dynamic he so avidly supports. I was not really talking to any people of my own age during this time. Every once in a while I would go out to the mall, but only with some pressure from my mom or my doctor. I was not allowing myself to draw on others' experiences through interaction. I did not have any reflective discussions that could lead to any cognitive growth. Although, eventually this struggle did allow me to grow mentally, as I was experiencing it I was stuck on the idea that I would die and therefore anything I did was basically irrelevant. I never vented any of my feelings before I talked to the doctor. I kept them all in, and as Vygotsky says, eliminating any form of growth I could have had at this time.

In Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, I put myself in a wide array of categories. The physiological needs category somewhat fits because I was not allowing myself the right amounts of food. Although my need for food was met because we had enough food in the house, I was only eating a few bites a day. I was also in the category of safety needs. I needed to be at home as much as possible because it was my only means of comfort. Anytime I was away from home for more than a few hours, I felt the need to get back there as soon as possible. Love and belonging was definitely a factor because without the love of my mother I would have never gotten through this situation. I was also rejecting the love of my friends in some cases, and in other instances I wondered if they still loved me. Esteem needs played a role also because at this point in my life I honestly did not have any self-esteem. I had been praised so highly before, and then all of a sudden I was slipping. I did not reach the three growth needs at the top of the hierarchy until after I realized what was happening to me, and began the movement to the person I am today.

Now when I look back on the situation I was in my senior year in high school, I really see it in terms of a teacher's perspective more so than that of a student. I know that my predicament was probably a lot more intense and life-changing than what some people go through in high school. However, I also know that it was probably not as intense or as life-changing as what many other high school students go through. From a teacher's point of view, I can imagine that it would be rather difficult to decide whether someone is slacking off, having a bad/distracted day, or something more serious. When I was in this situation, I worked my hardest at first to keep my illness from everyone. I now know that people can hide things very easily. A student who is smiling and happy at school, could go home and commit suicide that night. So much lies beneath what people show the rest of the world. When I begin teaching, I want to face the difficulties of my students the way Mrs. Holley approached mine... with an unobstructed view. My goal is to be open enough to the point where students feel secure talking to me about what is going on in their lives. I want to remain in a "teacherly" role, but I want my students to know that I am genuinely interested in their well-being. I do not necessarily want to become friends with my students because I think that takes away from the learning process. I do, however, want them to know that learning how to properly use commas is not as important as getting the most out of life. I am not an entirely academic person; my life does not revolve around reading Shakespeare. Therefore, I know that my students' lives are not based solely on my class. I will be an English teacher, but above that I will simply be a teacher. I am not as concerned with putting apostrophes in the correct spot as I am with my students knowing that at least someone cares about them.

Example #4: This paper was a "strong effort" in writing an analytic paper, synthesizing details of event, context, and theoretical perspectives. .

1. The writer carefully details the importance of a promise made...and then broken. 5 points +1

2. The context is well presented in an abstract way by describing the challenges to relationships. 5 points +1

3. Five of the six theoretical perspectives were carefully examined. 5 points +1

4. The teacher perspective was well considered in several possible impact areas. A fine summary statement.5 points +1

5. There were several errors in "mechanics." 5 points -1

The paper received 28/25 points, exceeding quality standards.

High School Experiences-Past, Present, and Future

Before 8th grade graduation, my 3 (write out #)best friends and I made a promise to each other that we would never drink, smoke, or ditch our friends for our boyfriends when we were in high school. We all broke every part of that promise before Christmas break of our freshman year. Our longing to be accepted, to be popular, to discover the wonders of serious relationships, to impress the senior boys, to feel the rush of breaking every rule far surpassed our commitment to keeping our promise to each other. We soon discovered that we had developed different interests, experimentation lead (led?) to different habits, home life allowed for different nightly activities, morals began to play a bigger role in our decisions, guys became increasingly important; we were becoming individuals. One thing that we all still had in common was that academics were just about on the bottom of our priority lists. Even though some of us still valued our education, the other issues in our lives seemed far more important. I hardly felt that my teachers could possibly have a clue about what was going on in our chaotic lives.

By January of my freshman year, I was about to start a relationship with Matt, a guy who I had liked for a long time. I remember the thoughts that swirled in my head, as I sat not watching the movie that was playing in my Biology class. While "Dr. Jones" was hoping I was focusing on the structure of ecosystems, I was really begging myself to, "write your phone number on his hand." I asked myself, "could he possibly be interested in me, and if not, then why is he holding my hand? Do I really want to get involved with a guy who has such a bad reputation? How will the world react? Will I get hurt?" This was my chance to prove to the school that I really wasn't a goodie-goodie, I could be bad, I could be wild, I wasn't as innocent as they thought I was. So many emotions cluttered my head that I had no desire to learn what my teacher had prepared for the day. This was more than a relationship, this was my chance to break away from what society expected of me, it was freedom.

As Piaget's theory states, during high school, we were thinking more abstractly than ever before, we were understanding new mathematical concepts that we couldn't have previously, we were able to think about things without concrete reality. It was during this stage that I began to be isolated from some of my classmates, including Matt. I was put into a higher-level math class and given the opportunity to take other upper level classes that weren't always offered to others. I was definitely developing cognitively, but I hated the exclusion that accompanied. When I was seen as being smart, successful, when I aced a test, when people learned that I went to church every single Sunday, I was labeled as a "looser." Yet, I had internal motivation to achieve, to prove to myself that I could excel in my classes. Matt was my first chance to balance these two desires and if I had paid attention in that Biology class, I might have passed up my opportunity to feel internal peace. This was not an irrelevant situation that was distracting my attention from the organisms that swirled the television screen, it was an issue that has helped to shape who I am today.

Much of what I learned in high school, I believe, came from my peers. Matt, along with my other friends, helped me to realize that there were other ways to view the world that didn't exactly correlate with what my parents thought. During high school, my vocabulary expanded. I learned to talk more professionally than before, and at the same time, I learned about rape, drugs, and many other things that my own experiences would have never taught me. This is just one of the many instances where Vygotski's(y) Social Nature of Learning theory can be applied to my life. I could have never had such involved debates with my parents about their rules without the perspectives I gained from my friends and from hearing Matt talk about debates with his mom. I began to understand the world differently by pulling the experiences that others had and weaving them into my own. Through discussions and arguments with Matt, I was challenged to express these new concepts verbally. My relationship with Matt enhanced the way I learned from my peers and in class because I became more open-minded and accepting of others and their views.

During high school, I wanted to impress my parents, follow the teachings of my church, and be just a generally good person, yet at the same time, I longed to break away from that boring life. I struggled greatly with my identity. As Erik Erikson explained it, I was going through a stage labeled Identity vs. Role Confusion. Again, Matt rescued (me) from some of these trials because rather than choosing the wild, bad girl, I could be somewhat innocent and good because being with him made me appear wild and bad without effort. I loved the balance that our relationship offered. I believe I was also facing a stage that Erikson called Intimacy vs. Isolation. I felt like I was ready for commitment both with Matt as well as with my friendships. I had a desire for love and closeness from someone other than my family.

As I became closer to Matt, I distanced myself from my parents, family, and even some of my friends. I had many commitments to athletic teams, band, youth group, friendships, but none of them were final. They were all a part of my exploration process. I think James Marcia would have categorized me as being in the Moratorium stage because exploration was definitely present, but only a few commitments had been made and none of those without deep thought. It is clear to me that I was struggling constantly to find love and belonging as well as recognition. I wanted to be accepted by people at school, I wanted my friends to be proud to hang out with me, I wanted Matt to be proud of me. I wanted to be loved and I wanted to belong. Maslow probably would agree that I was showing the characteristics of someone in his stage of motivation called Love and Belonging Needs. I loved every compliment I got from Matt, from his friends, from just about anybody. My self-esteem fed on these and other forms of recognition. All of these things balanced on that one instance in my Biology class when what I was feeling was a brick wall, preventing me from learning.

While my life was taking a significant turn, "Dr. Jones" sat reading a newspaper using the dim light from the hallway. Whether or not he knew about the lack of attention we paid to his video, I will never know. One thing I am fairly sure of is that he didn't really care. I can remember several times in that class where we were passing notes, talking, and not even attempting to learn Biology, but I can not really remember being reprimanded for it.

If the teacher had been Ms. Krause instead of "Dr. Jones," I believe it would have been my job to provide to my students the knowledge and experiences that are required (for) them to be successful in life. By successful, I mean for them to have the opportunity to do whatever it is that they may want to do for the rest of their lives. In general, I would need to help them learn to work with others, to be honest, hard working, intrinsically motivated individuals that (who)can make opportunities for themselves, and on top of that, I would need to teach them the coursework planned for the day.

Looking down on Matt and Cassie and trying to teach all of these important life skills while they are experiencing life-changing situations would not have been an easy task. I honestly feel that the relationship that was being started was far more beneficial for both of them than the structures of ecosystems could ever be. However, it would not (be) my place as a teacher to judge the importance of the distractions taking place, it would only be my place to try to teach them what they came to class to learn. First of all, I would try to split up couples as I saw them forming because many times one or both will want to learn, but they are simply not able to when the other is close by. Second, I would make sure the videos I showed were made before their parents were born because often times when students see that an educational film is old, it no longer seems relevant and they are less likely to value the information it contains. Also, I would try to provide a reason that the students should learn the information. For example, group presentations in front of the class is something I see as motivation (ing) because the majority of high school students would rather pay attention and learn the material then look clueless in front of the entire class. Next, I would try to find a hands-on project that supported the information being presented. Even though they may not remember what the video said, they would most likely remember hands-on application of the material despite what was swirling around in their heads. Finally, in cases were I needed to ask the couple to change their behavior, I would emphasize to them that I realize their conversation may be important, but that I think there is a more appropriate time and place for it. I think this is especially important because so many times, high school students just don't think teachers realize that the issues they are facing are real, significant, and that some of the relationships students are involved in are sophisticated relationships that need to exist for the students' growth as people.

Recalling a time when the way I was feeling prevented me from learning allowed me to see where the adolescent stages of many psychological theories could be applied to my life. I realized that although my responses to the emotions I had as I formed a new relationship were unique, those responses were also characteristics of development that I shared with many other teens. Teachers react in a variety of different ways to situations were students are too preoccupied with their chaotic lives to pay attention in class and there is no specific right or wrong way to make the best of this challenging situation. However, there are ways of teaching that will have a positive impact on how much a student is able to learn despite these distractions. My hope is that I will become a teacher who will be able to help my students learn even when they are about to make a commitment that will change their lives forever.